Modeling a life our children can imitate
Growing up, the familiar mantra “do as I say, not as I do” was most commonly used to discourage us from cussing and smoking cigarettes. Yet, as I parent my girls, I find myself living through this same lens in all sorts of ways. I tell my daughter to speak with a kind tone towards her sister as I bark orders at them both. I encourage her to wait patiently but I grumble at slow traffic and halted grocery lines. While we’re certainly called to teach our kids how to live out the Christian faith (Prov. 22:6 and Deut. 6:4-9), we must also resolve to live out our Christian faith in word and in deed.
Setting a Christian example
Paul exhorted the Corinthians to imitate him just as he imitated Christ (1 Cor. 11:1). He elaborated even more so when he told the Philippians to “join one another in following my example, brothers, and carefully observe those who walk according to the pattern we set for you” (Phil. 3:17).
Parents, are you worthy of imitation? Our children are carefully observing the patterns of our lives, and the worst thing we can do for them is to identify as Christians and embrace ungodly patterns of living. This hypocrisy leads children to confusion, bitterness and even rebellion against God. We must make every effort to live lives that are worthy of the Gospel of Jesus Christ not only in front of the public eye but also behind the closed doors of our homes.
The Spirit helps us be holy
God commands us to be holy (1 Pet. 1:16), and He equips us to do so by the power of His Holy Spirit who dwells in every believer. Christian, the same Holy Spirit who raised Jesus Christ from the dead lives in you.
This is great news! This means that the patterns of your life can be a pleasing aroma to the Lord. This means that, with the Spirit’s help, you can speak to your kids with kindness even when they’re pushing your buttons. You can die to your flesh and give them your undivided attention with joy! You can be patient towards them when they’re running late. You can use self-control to put down your phone and delight in their presence. Your life can be a living sacrifice to the Lord and a worthy example for your children.
Model repentance
It doesn’t take long, however, for a parent of toddlers to recognize the frail frame in which we all dwell. Even now my daughter is repeatedly tapping me with her toes, and I could burst in annoyance! When you do fail, which you will, you can seek God’s forgiveness and theirs. You do no harm by modeling this for your children. Humility, repentance and trust in Christ are just as important patterns as kindness, patience and gentleness. Repentance towards God and our children is a means of grace that hopefully spurs us on towards godliness, which is indeed worth imitating.
Instead of “do as I say, not as I do,” let us tell our children as Paul told the Philippians, “whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me, put it into practice” (Phil. 4:9). And let us live with that aim in mind because our children will imitate us no matter what.
I tend to be naturally generous and opinionated: two patterns I’ve learned from my mom. What patterns will your children inherit? Only the Lord can change their hearts and save their souls, but as Christian parents we have the opportunity to show them what it looks like to follow Jesus. I can’t imagine a greater legacy to leave them than a godly example to follow.
Katlynne Mirabal is a pastor’s wife, serves as the children’s ministry director at Seacoast Community Church in Portsmouth, NH. She is also the host of the Miss Teacher Mom podcast, which endeavors to encourage and equip moms to raise their kids with eternity in mind.