Dishwashers & broomsticks

“I want help you, peas.”

That is what my two-year-old granddaughter says when she sees me unloading the dishwasher.

The extra work of having a helper

For some reason she thinks that is the most exciting thing to do, and she always wants to help me. Honestly, I could do it faster without her “help.” But I always let her help for two reasons. First, I enjoy spending time with her and, second, unloading the dishwasher is a life skill she needs to learn, and the best way to learn is by doing.

So l let her help. Sometimes she puts the coffee cups in the wrong spot and I have to go back later and rearrange them. That’s okay – she is still learning. She is too short to reach the upper cabinets, so I have to pick up her and help her put the plates and bowls away, but that’s okay. One day she will be tall enough to do it on her own.

My hopes are that she will look back on something as simple as putting the dishes away and remember that her grandfather enjoyed spending time with her, and, one day when she has an apartment of her own, she will know how to load and unload a dishwasher properly because I took the time to do it with her. But it does take more effort on my part when she “helps” me put the dishes away, and it is not always done correctly. I need to have patience and a “long view” of what the future will look like when she can finally do it on her own.

Teaching is an investment

As I consider my granddaughter’s desire to “help” me unload the dishwasher and how I respond to that, it makes me think of the way real discipleship works. Just as letting my granddaughter help me takes more time and effort, and it means I sometimes have to come behind her and adjust things, so discipling new Christians takes time and is sometimes a little messy. But we should be determined to invest in the discipleship of new believers for the same reasons I take time to teach my granddaughter how to unload the dishwasher: we enjoy spending time with them and we want them to learn how to grow spiritually so that, when the time comes, they can stand their own.

Those of us who are in church leadership often complain that there is no one to help us do ministry. But perhaps there is no one to help us because we were not willing to take the time to show someone how to serve alongside us. Or perhaps when someone does serve, they do not do it quite right, so we revert back to doing it all ourselves.

Such an approach may have short-term positives because things are done quickly and correctly, but it has far more long-term negatives. We must disciple new believers into effective service even if it takes more time on the front end and if there are a few things we have to rearrange as a result.

Give away your leadership skills

I recall a church I once consulted with about their future. I was there for the “retirement” Sunday of their 30-year tenured pastor. On his final Sunday he passed out envelopes to the small congregation of twenty. I thought perhaps the envelopes contained good-bye notes from the pastor and his wife. But when I inquired, he said they were instructions. I asked what kind of instructions, and he said “for everything.”

The pastor and his wife had done everything in the church. They cleaned the building, handled the funds and led all the committees and Bible studies. They literally did it all. One envelope had instructions for where the broom was located. The thought that no one in the entire church knew where the broom was except the pastor was shocking to me.

Surely there was someone in the church who knew how to use a broom and could be trusted with sweeping. But apparently this pastor did not think so, and on his last Sunday, after 30 years of serving that congregation, he was passing out instructions that in my opinion should have been passed out 29 and half years prior. It’s not surprising the church never got past twenty people.

As leaders we must show others how to do the things we do. We must regularly give away our leadership skills. It will take more time, and it will occasionally create a mess we will have to clean up, but over the long term, it will be better for those we are leading and better for us. 

So show your grandchildren how to unload the dishwasher, and tell the church members where to find the broom!

Dr. Terry W. Dorsett serves as the executive director of the Baptist Convention of New England.