Everybody needs somebody sometime
Back in the 90s, Western Union ran a hilarious ad to the tune “Everybody Needs Somebody Sometime.” In the commercial a sushi chef chopping up a cucumber also chops up a man’s credit card. The man calls a friend to send him money via Western Union. Though this commercial hits a comedic tone, the song is a very powerful statement of an important truth. It applies not just when you have lost your credit card but also throughout life.
Loneliness and isolation
This need has emerged as a crisis for many in ministry. I found these results in a recent Google search of “Loneliness in Ministry”: “Overcoming the Leadership Epidemic — Isolation and Loneliness,” “3 Ways to Fight the Loneliness of Ministry Leadership,” “Leadership is Lonely,” “The Lonely Pastor” and “The Lonely Leader.” These are just some of the almost 3 million results to my search!
While dealing with the challenges of ministry isolation is not a new phenomenon, it does seem to be a more prevalent experience in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic and the ensuing quarantine and limitations in personal interactions.
Unlike solitude (an intentional decision to pull away from normal life with the intent of renewal or deepening our connection with God), isolation and loneliness can be voluntary or involuntary and can lead to temptation, loss of vision/focus and depression.
Let me use three Old Testament characters to draw some observations and recommendations for dealing with loneliness and isolation as ministers.
David’s isolation led to temptation
The story of David and Bathsheba is found in 2 Samuel 11-12. It is a painful story of succumbing to temptation, lust, adultery, deception, lying and murder which was ultimately confronted by the prophet Nathan. Note that at the beginning of the story it is reported that “in the spring when the kings march out to war, David sent Joab . . .but David remained in Jerusalem.” (2 Samuel 11:1 HCSB)
David’s choice not to be with his army, as was the norm for kings, left him in a place of isolation that opened him up to temptation. “Everybody Needs Somebody Sometime” because loneliness and isolation make one more vulnerable to temptation. That temptation can draw us into behaviors or patterns that are not healthy and may even violate our commitments to Christ, our church, our spouse and our children. All too often we read of ministers who have succumbed to these temptations, yet there are many others who struggle and never make the news.
Elijah’s loneliness led to depression
Elijah, the prophet of God, had seen God provide for a widow who lacked resources to take care of herself and her son and defeat the prophets of Baal on Mt Carmel. Yet in 1 Kings 19 we find Elijah sitting under a tree alone asking to die because Jezebel has threatened to kill him. He was depressed and cried out, “I have had enough!”
Loneliness and isolation can lead to depression. Isn’t it ironic that Elijah’s bout of depression came immediately after experiencing the incredible power and protection of God?
Jonah’s isolation led to lost focus
Jonah is a fascinating prophet. After all his efforts to avoid and run away from God and His call, he travels to Nineveh and the entire town repents and turns to God. Yet Jonah lashes out at God in anger. Jonah’s loneliness and isolation led Jonah to lose focus on the mercy and grace of God and his calling to be God’s messenger. Jonah was incredibly successful, God honored the preaching of His Word and Jonah was upset.
Did you identify with David, or Elijah or Jonah? David, a man after God’s own heart, and two prophets: all three experienced the negative consequences of their loneliness and isolation. No one is immune, even you and me!
Three ways to combat loneliness and isolation
Here are a few ideas that I have found helpful in my own life.
Be self-aware. How are you doing? Do you observe the normal patterns of your life have been disrupted or altered? Are your normal pattern of behavior and attitudes changing? Do you see changes in your eating and sleeping habits? Do you sense the prompting of the Holy Spirit that your life is out of balance? Owning that we may be experiencing consequences of isolation and loneliness is a critical first step to moving to better balance spiritually, physically, socially, emotionally and relationally.
Consider varying your spiritual practices. I normally read through the Bible each year as a part of my spiritual discipline. Sometimes I will shift and use a guided devotional resource like “Stand Firm.” Currently I have added listening to Scripture each day through the app “Dwell.” These minor shifts have brought new freshness to my time with the Lord and increased vitality to my reading of His Word.
Have a solid accountability partner, other than your spouse. This has been the most important step for me has been having a solid accountability partner. My accountability partner and I meet once a week and over the course of hiking 5-10 miles review our past week. We are open and very transparent. We use a set of ten questions from characterthatcounts.org. The questions ask about our daily time with the Lord, lustful attitudes or behaviors, financial dealings, quality time with family and friends, lying, sharing the Gospel and stewardship of our bodies. The final question asks if we have lied about any of our responses to the first nine questions! Having a faithful and honest accountability partner has been invaluable to help me manage the experiences of life than can foster loneliness and isolation.
While certainly there can be larger and deeper issues that impact our sense of loneliness, family history and physical or emotional issues, I hope these ideas will help you navigate these challenging times in ministry.
An additional resource is the BCNE Disaster Relief Team which continues to offer the availability of chaplains at 888-5NE-PRAY. Remember, “everybody needs somebody sometime!”
Stanley Smith serves as the interim church growth team leader for the Baptist Convention of New England.