I love and hate adoption

I have a huge heart for adoption. I think I always have. One of my dearest  childhood friends was adopted from foster care. She opened my eyes to the beauty of adoption even as a young child. Now as a mother to four girls, two of which are adopted, I find myself often surrounded by it.  Many of my friends have adopted. I read books about adoption. I help guide families going through the process.  It is a big part of my family’s everyday life. 

But I also hate adoption. I hate that so many children have endured such horrific trauma in their lives that adoption has become their reality. These children have seen death, abuse, neglect, or abandonment. Their birthmothers may have faced extreme poverty, rape, or some other awful situation that led her to make this decision. I long for a day when there are no children desperately in need of parents, a day when the foster system does not exist and the waiting child lists are empty.

“I long for a day when there are no children desperately in need of parents, a day when the foster system does not exist and the waiting child lists are empty.”

So while I am grateful and blessed to get to parent my two adopted girls, I also wish that they had not had to endure all that they did to get to my home. I ask myself, how can I help to prevent this from happening to more children? How can we, the church, help to keep children with their biological families? 

I won’t pretend to have all of the answers, but I do think one big piece of the puzzle is for us to support single moms (or dads) in every way that we can. Nearly every time in scripture that God calls for the church to care for orphans he also calls us to care for widows. I think “widows” in scripture can refer to more than just women whose husbands have died. I think that single mothers or vulnerable women fall into this category as well.  

Let’s do our part to support these women. You could volunteer at a pregnancy center. You could mentor a struggling mom who may have no clue what it means to be a Godly mother.  Maybe you could offer to babysit or provide car repairs for a single mom. You could help women battling substance abuse or escaping the sex trafficking industry. You could find ways to provide health care, education, and vocational training for women all over the world.  The possibilities are endless and the needs are great. 

 I hope we will each pray and ask God to reveal ways to us that we can help and be part of the solution.  May we take God’s command (not suggestion) to support orphans and widows seriously and search for how God would have us live this out in our daily lives. 

Melissa Busby leads the ministry wives support network for the BCNE and serves in the women’s, youth, and children’s ministries at South Shore Baptist Church in Hingham, MA, where her husband serves as senior pastor.