Christian Marriage in Today’s Culture
Living together outside of marriage is now accepted by most Protestants and Catholics. According to “Cohabitation Among Evangelicals: A New Norm?,” an April 2021 report by the Institute for Family Studies (IFS), most evangelicals under 45 have either cohabited, plan to do so in the future, or are open to the possibility.
The IFS report highlights that many youth—whether Protestant, Catholic, or unaffiliated— embrace the idea of cohabitating with a significant other.
In November 2019 the Pew Research Center reported in “The landscape of marriage and cohabitation in the US” that the phenomenon of cohabitating relationships has risen while the rate of marriages has declined. The article details the data according to race, ethnicity, and education levels.
In 2023 Forbes revealed that 40 percent of married couples are unions where one or both persons were married previously. While it maybe assumed that people learn from their mistakes, 67 percent of second marriages and 73 percent of third marriages are dissolved.
What can be done?
Christians are called to live transformed lives. “Do not conform to the pattern of this world,” Paul challenged the Romans (12:2, NIV), “but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.” Churches have a crucial role to promote and protect marriage, which the dictionary defines as “the state of being united as spouses in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law” and “an intimate or close union.” Most Christians would add: between a man and a woman (Matt 19:4–6).
Pastors can promote marriage instead of cohabitation
Sermon ideas:
Mary and Joseph and the Jewish customs regarding chastity during engagement,
The wedding at Cana in Galilee and the Jewish customs regarding weddings,
Marriages in the Bible including Adam and Eve, Abraham and Sarah, Joseph and Mary, Esther and King Xerxes, Isaac and Rebecca, Ruth and Boaz, Elkanah and Hannah, Hosea and Gomer, David and Abigail, Jacob and Rachel, and even Ahab and Jezebel.
Sermon could be preached on “the works of the flesh.” For example:
Shun sexual immorality, impurity, debauchery, and idolatry, and cultivate the fruit of the Spirit—Gal 5:19-23
Give admonitions to flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace—2 Tim 2:22
Encourage premarital counseling, and
Share testimonies of chaste unmarried couples
All marriages need regular maintenance, preventative care, and especially immediate intervention during marital crisis. Many times, when marriages are in crisis, the couple waits before seeking help. By the time they seek an appointment with a pastor, the marriage is already DOA, or dead on arrival. The husband and wife have already decided to separate or divorce and are asking a pastor to “sign off” on their decision. Then, either one or both decide to leave the church. The goal should be to save the marriage while they are still coming to the church.
How can a church protect a marriage?
Practical ideas:
Provide marriage resources on the church’s website
Promote Marriage Tips, which has over 100 brief videos with marriage help or enrichment in a variety of areas
Encourage others to view the Head to Toe Marriage and Family Life podcasts
Offer pastoral marriage counseling or a referral to a Christian marriage counselor
Preach sermons on protecting marriages
Share the sermon on Mark 10: 1-16 from Living Stones Community Church, New Milford, CT (a BCNE church)
Plan semiannual marriage enrichment programs
Use the Marriage Oneness—Plug & Play Program, which requires facilitators to lead discussion groups (order this from MarriageMissionary@gmail.com)
Promote the free on-line Couple Talk Marriage Communication Workshop and order the Couple Talk Workbooks
Schedule annual marriage retreats
When is the right time to start promoting and protecting marriages? Now! Marriage in today’s Christian culture is under attack. Churches can make a difference and God has provided the answers.
A seasoned marriage educator Ken Schaefer is the founder of “60 Seconds To Enrich”, a social media ministry for Christian couples. 60 Seconds to Enrich includes: 60 Second Marriage Tips, Head To Toe Marriage, and 60 Second Devotions. He has been married since 1976. For more information, email him at MarriageMissionary@gmail.com or message him through Facebook.
