Walking with those who weep
In the age of social media, it is easy to believe that only what is clean cut and manicured is worth sharing. We like to celebrate in public and mourn in private. In a culture obsessed with perfection, grief and lament feel awkward and out of place. Grievers can feel isolated under their burdens when others do not know how to make space for their sorrows. Those who are supporting sufferers can feel overwhelmed and uncertain of how to best love and serve in the tension. Even within the church, grief can be lonely and strange.
In John 11, the passage famously narrating the death and resurrection of Lazarus, the wisdom and compassion of Jesus is on display as He comforts and moves towards Lazarus’s sisters Mary and Martha. Both of these sisters have wildly different responses in the aftermath of their brothers’ death, and Christ has a nuanced approach to each one that is tailored to love the individual.
Christ responds to Martha
Although these sisters speak to Jesus with identical vocabulary, they respond with very different tones to the same grievous circumstance.
“Martha said to Jesus, ‘Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But even now I know that whatever you ask from God, God will give you.” John 11:21-22 (emphasis added)
Martha goes to Jesus immediately, speaking these words of faith in the power of the Son of God. Like the psalmist in Psalm 42:11, Martha directs her heavy heart to Jesus’ character before He can even say a word: “Why are you cast down, O my soul…? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.”
Jesus responds to her honest but hopeful lament by affirming her faith and directing her gaze toward resurrection. Jesus and Martha have a theological dialogue in the midst of sorrow that comforts Martha in her deep sorrow and moves her to verbalize her believe in Jesus Christ as the Son of God. It is a beautiful and hopeful moment where God’s truth comes to a broken woman and gives her courage to stand firm in her present suffering.
Christ responds to Mary
Mary’s response to Jesus is radically different from her sister’s, and therefore Jesus comes toward her in a different way. Mary waits for Jesus to call her, whereas Martha went to meet Him when she knew He was near. As Mary arrives with wailers in tow, the picture is not one of self-controlled sorrow – a single tear blinked away, and a delicately dabbed tissue. Rather, Mary throws herself on the ground before her Lord, weeping, choking out words of desperation.
“When Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet saying to him, ‘Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.’ When Jesus saw her weeping… He was deeply moved in His spirit and greatly troubled.” John 11:32-33 (emphasis added)
Though she clearly believed Jesus was capable of saving her brother, in this moment Mary might have believed that Jesus had failed her. She might have been angry at Him, ready to throw out the hope of resurrection that her sister was clinging to.
Jesus did not respond to Mary’s emotive eruption with a lecture or a rebuke. He did not berate her for questioning or not trusting Him. He did not even give her the same vision of hope that he gave to Martha. In His wisdom and compassion, He moved toward Mary, weeping with her, participating in her grief, dignifying her sorrows by simply being there.
Following the example of Christ
It takes wisdom to know how to move towards the grieving; when to speak, and when to stay silent but present. As children of God we are called to love one another in all seasons, and because of the Holy Spirit we can grow as ambassadors of His tender care. Followers of Jesus must learn to weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15), and to nuance our compassion so that we can “encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, [and] be patient with them all” (1 Thessalonians 5:14). This openness towards the broken and grieving emits an aroma of Christlike authenticity that the world desperately craves.
Rebecca Faulks is a nurse, seminary student, and member at Mosaic Boston church in Boston, MA.
