How to stop 6 feet of social distancing from pushing us apart

At the beginning of COVID-19, I wrote a blog about how 6 feet of social distancing could bring us together. It was mid-March, and Natalie and I took our boys for a walk at the track, delighted to find people making eye contact and encouraging each other, “Stay healthy!”

That was before one of every 1,000 people in Massachusetts passed away from COVID; 16,000 per million tested positive; and mask-wearing became a political issue. Way back in the “good old days” of coronavirus when all we had was our makeshift masks, desire to “flatten the curve,” and hope that we would all get back to work or school with a few weeks of caution and care.

I chuckle at our naïveté! Oh, March…you were a simpler time!

A climate of fear

Who knew the virus would take the toll it did? Who knew we would get the mixed messages that we have at different times from different levels of government? Who knew that isolation and uncertainty could provoke the fear that it has? 

I was hopeful that six feet of social distancing could make us closer than ever. To see that happen, we would have needed to remember we are all in this moment together, that we have all lost something, that we are all traumatized and grieving something, and that we all have real but often unspoken needs.

Fear, however, does funny things to us. I believe our desire to stay healthy was replaced with a fear of becoming sick or of unintentionally infecting a vulnerable relative or friend. As fear set in, many stopped looking one another in the eye, stopped greeting one another, began to look at one another suspiciously, and began to drift apart from dear friends. It wasn’t the physical distance, the ever-expanding space between us that started at six feet, as much as the emotional isolation. Fear was the culprit, and we were the victims. This is a real shame, especially for Christ-followers, since Scripture tells us that the Lord did not give us a spirit of fear but of power, love and sound judgment (or self-control). Inhaling and exhaling fear is as foreign and toxic to us as a human trying to find a breath on Mars.

Distant but social

How can we regain our misplaced humanity? I believe it starts with one strategic move:

We must distance but return to being social. Six feet isn’t that far! The distance P.E. teachers in elementary school had us stretch out our arms to spread apart before doing jumping jacks is about the distance we need from one another right now. If we wear a mask and keep that six feet of separation, we should be safe. So if we are generally healthy and not immuno-compromised, we can and should interact.

Social distancing was intended to maintain some distance so that we could safely remain social. But somewhere along the way, it became about distancing instead of being social. We have to reclaim the original intent, face our fears, and begin to be social again. 

Don’t be a Lone Ranger Christian

For Christ-followers, I would even add a caveat. We’ve found that the Christian journey can be lived over Facebook Live, Zoom, and online giving, but these platforms were not God’s original intent — and not just because the technology wasn’t available in the ancient Near East and first century Roman Empire. Rather, the Christian journey should be lived in community. We have a phrase at Christ Church Charlestown: Lone Rangers get picked off first. 

Do you remember the old Oregon Trail computer game some of us played in elementary school? Remember hunting for food? A lone buffalo or rabbit would wander across the screen, and — POW! — it was dinner time; sister’s dysentery or father’s fever could be cured with some wild game. The makers of the game never sent 100 rabbits or a herd of buffalo onto the screen. Rather, they knew the lone animal on the prairie would make a nice dinner. Our enemy, Satan, also knows a lone Christian is a vulnerable Christian. Lone Rangers get picked off first. We are made for community. 

So be distant physically — six feet apart with masks, hand sanitizer and so forth — but not socially and emotionally. Greet one another with the holy elbow-bump. Spend time on each other’s sidewalks, back patios or wherever else. Meet up at the track or the playground or the pool. Exercise together and talk. Pray for one another, out loud. Look each other in the eye and ask, “How are you doing?” Tell one another, “I’ve missed you,” and, “I need you.” Tell a brother or sister in the faith that you are thankful that of all the places God could have put you in all the times in human history, in His love He put you in a pandemic in this city with these people and that you are better because he or she is your friend. Be distant, but be social…and try just as hard to be social as you do to be distant. 

Let’s finish strong. Let’s remain distant but social as an act of faith. Let love, not fear, be the highest concern in the neighborhood. 

JD Mangrum is the church planting pastor of Christ Church Charlestown in Charlestown, MA.