Christians should “bother” each other more often
May I encourage us to consider removing a phrase from our Christian vernacular. After more than twenty-five years of walking with Jesus, it is a phrase I have uttered on more than one occasion and have been on the receiving end as well. Even when the phrase wasn’t uttered, the attitude behind it was often communicated. While the intent of this phrase is usually one of grace and compassion, the results many times are either mediocrity or hurt. Much like the vintage ads for morphine of the late 19th century, this phrase promises health but brings disease.
What could this odious phrase be? “I didn’t want to bother you.” The occasion of this phrase is many. There is a ministry opportunity to be had, but we don’t want to ask a busy person lest we “bother them”. Instead of reaching out to someone in the midst of their suffering, we decide “not to bother them”. We feel the Spirit’s prompting to share the Gospel, but disobediently delay for a more opportune time lest “we bother them”.
Before you dismiss me as a cranky old codger trapped in a middle-aged body, let us look at biblical precedent and the practical ramifications in the arenas of ministry opportunities and serving the suffering.
Biblical precedent
While time prohibits writing a theological treatise on the subject, I do think we can explore some biblical precedents. It is the week of Christmas as I write this, and we can not forget the fact that Jesus came as Immanuel, God with us. From the first verses in Genesis to the last in Revelation, we see a God who is actively engaged in the life of his people. God seemed to have no trouble bothering Adam hiding in the garden, meeting with Moses on the mountain, or encountering the woman at the well. As we read through Job and parts of the Psalms we see even when God seems to be distant, he was present and actively involved. The principle we see in Judges, Israel’s times of exile, and the first chapter of Romans, God not bothering people is a sign of judgement, not blessing. As God’s people, I think we should err on the side of engagement, not withdrawal.
In ministry
Since we are to err on the side of engagement, how would this apply to ministry opportunities? First, we need to build a culture with the freedom to say “no”. If there is a culture of grace as opposed to guilt, God’s people can joyfully respond to the opportunities God is calling them and as freely decline those He is not. It’s been my experience; churches struggle to involve new people in ministry out of desire “not to bother them” and by consequence wear out those already involved. Pastor/leader, you may be lacking servant leaders because the fear of “bothering” people is crippling your ministry.
In suffering
The second arena to explore is that of serving the suffering. This one hits a little closer to home as I lost my 12-year-old son earlier this summer. I found it odd that after my son’s passing, months went by before hearing from friends that I normally spoke with on a weekly basis. When we finally would reconnect, the refrain was always the same: “I didn’t want to bother you.” As I speak with others in grief, I hear similar stories. As we are called to grieve differently (1 Thessalonians 4), I think this can be one of the greatest gifts we can offer to our culture: the gift of ministering amid suffering. I noticed there were several reasons for “not bothering” those in their grief. The first is noble but misguided. Grief has become so privatized in our culture, that some thought they weren’t close enough to be allowed into the inner circle of grief. While you might not be invited to the private viewing at the funeral home, those grieving almost always will appreciate a call, text, visit, or card. The second is driven by ignorance. Someone is not sure what exactly to do, so they do nothing. May I humbly suggest a simple Google search can be a cure for a lot of ignorance. The third was fear. The fear of messing something up or the fear of being hurt themselves kept them at a safe distance from suffering. For the Christian, fear is a horrible motivator. The last reason people often have for “not bothering” those in grief was the faulty assumption that someone else was doing it. Just as that dirty diaper in the nursery can stink up the whole church because “someone” was supposed to take it out, some are left alone in their grief because “someone” didn’t pick up the phone or go knock on the door. Again, I would encourage us to error on the side of engagement.
I do not write this as a faultless expert. Even as I type, I am reminded of phone calls I’m avoiding and emails neglected veiled in the excuse of “not bothering” others, but to be honest it is more out of a selfish desire of myself not being bothered. Even as we grow in in grace, mortifying the flesh and being conformed into the image of Jesus, let us be encouraged and convicted that we have been given the ministry of “bothering”. “And let us consider one another in order to provoke love and good works.” Hebrews 10:24 (CSB)
Rich Clegg the regional coordinator for New Hampshire churches in the Baptist Convention of New England.
