Bells and whistles
When I was serving as the pastor of a local church, I remember how exciting it was to see a young family come into the church. I recall one family that came to us with a lot of challenges. For two years, we poured into their lives and helped them overcome financial hurdles, marriage struggles, challenges raising their kids, and past trauma. Over time, they gradually shifted from being our perpetual mission project to becoming fully devoted followers of Christ. It was exciting to watch.
But one day, they disappeared. After a couple of weeks, I grew concerned and dropped by their home to visit. I was shocked to learn they had been visiting a different church. They said that now that they were spiritually healthy, they wanted a church with more programs and ministries than our small church could offer.
I was stunned. And honestly, I was also hurt. We had poured so much into them and put a lot of effort and energy into helping them overcome a myriad of challenges. Now they planned to go to a different church that could offer more, a church they surely would not have been welcome at when they were in the midst of all their struggles. Yet, that was exactly what they did, and we really missed having them in our fellowship.
I wish I could say this was a one-time incident, but I’ve seen some form of this scenario over and over again in ministry. People come to the church broken, get healthier, and then leave for another church with more bells and whistles. It’s painful, but this is just part of the way ministry goes.
“People come to the church broken, get healthier, and then leave for another church with more bells and whistles. It’s painful, but this is just part of the way ministry goes.”
There are many reasons people leave a church.
Sometimes people change over time and need something different than they did five years ago. It is always hard to see them go, but usually, it is not personal, even if it feels like it is. We should pray for them to continue to grow in their walk with the Lord.
Sometimes after people heal, they need a fresh start. It is easier to go somewhere their history is not known. In a new place, others only know the cleaned up, healthy version of them, which often gives them space and time to establish themselves without their past challenges holding them back. Probably in time, they will share their past with others in their new church, but it will be in a way they are comfortable with as a testimony of God’s grace in their lives instead of being a hindrance holding them back. We should pray for them to be able to serve the Lord in an even more effective way in their new church.
“Sometimes after people heal, they need a fresh start. It is easier to go somewhere their history is not known.”
Sometimes other factors are at work that have nothing to do with our ministry or even our relationship with the person we have helped so much. For example, if their job changes and now they are required to work on Sunday and the other church offers a Saturday service, they may not even want to switch churches but feel forced to due to a circumstance beyond their control. We should recognize that in these situations, it is just as difficult for them to leave as it is for us to see them go. We must pray for them to be blessed despite the change of circumstances that forced them to leave.
Regrettably, sometimes people have not healed as much as we thought; they just got better at hiding their problems. By leaving the spiritual community that initially helped them, they may subconsciously hope that when the truth of their struggles finally comes out, it will seem like a new problem instead of a continuing pattern of unhealth. Of course, we always hope and pray this is not why people leave, but sadly, it is sometimes true.
When someone leaves our fellowship, we must remember to display grace, which can sometimes be challenging. We do this for others because Jesus did it for us. After everything Jesus has done for us, how often do we get distracted and follow other things? Jesus shows us grace, knowing we will eventually return to Him.
“When someone leaves our fellowship, we must remember to display grace, which can sometimes be challenging. We do this for others because Jesus did it for us.”
This brings us to the other reason we should show grace: the person might want to return to our fellowship. Sometimes they realize the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, and if we have burned all the bridges, it will be hard for them to return. If we have shown grace, it makes it easier for them to return, even if the Spirit leads them to.
The bottom line is this: sometimes, people we have invested in will leave us for one reason or another. Though it is disappointing and painful, we must show grace to them. God is not done working in the situation. We must let Him keep working it out in ways only He knows. In the end, it will work out for good.
Dr. Terry W. Dorsett serves as the executive director of the Baptist Churches of New England.
