3 pieces of advice from my spiritual mentor
I have been fortunate and blessed to have tremendous mentors in my ministry who have guided me, warned me, coached me, prayed for me, and were selfless enough to even watch me flourish. I would like to tell you about one of these men and encourage all of us toward some shared action steps.
Terry Meeks. “Brother Terry” has pastored Cornerstone Baptist in Hartwell, GA since the church started in 1994. What Tom Brady is to the NFL, Brother Terry is to pastoring. The G.O.A.T. I have about 1000 of his -isms — his one-liners — that I carry from my time serving alongside him 2002-2008 (One of the best is: “Always wear a red shirt to a Mexican restaurant so when you drip salsa on your shirt, you’re all set.” Gold!). Three encounters stand out in particular.
When people die
One encounter came in 2002 when I was 25 and had been in ministry for less than 4 years and at Cornerstone less than a year. He came into my office and said, “Let’s go to the hospital. A woman in our church is about to die today, and you are going with me to be there, encourage and pray for the family with me, and watch.” Then he said something I will never forget: “In your ministry and life in years to come, you will see other people die…you need to learn to do this well when it’s less emotional because one day it will be very emotional.” Seems a bit morbid perhaps, but that wisdom and experience steadied me and has served me over the 20 years since, including the day I stood with my wife and her family as my father in-law passed away.
When people leave the church
I cannot remember when the second encounter occurred, but I remember Brother Terry teaching me how to let people leave the church. We’d just had a couple come to him and tell him God had told them it was time to leave the church. I knew this was a painful departure as this family had once been closely involved, serving in leadership, giving, and being one of those anchor families in the church. I also had real doubts that God actually spoke to this couple telling them to leave. So I asked Terry, “Aren’t you going to ask them to stay? You don’t really believe God told them to leave do you?” What he said next, I’ve never forgotten: “Nope”…firmly. And he paused. And then he said, “I don’t know their heart. If God told them to leave, they should obey God. And if God didn’t tell them that, then they are so off-base or so wounded or so disillusioned to blame it on God when it’s their heart, then they need to go.” And he graciously let them walk. That advice has guided me for years when people come to me with an explanation for what God “told” them (even when I think it is total nonsense).
When in public
The final thing was not something Brother Terry said as much as something he did. I’ve been a church planter/“lead” pastor for 13 years now. Until I was the lead pastor, I could not understand or appreciate all of the “covering” he gave me in prayer, encouragement, and probably taking a bullet or two for me. He never hung me out to dry. He never did anything but cheer for me publicly. And he covered me from spiritual enemies and actual troubles. I won’t tell you all the stories…the space is too short! But suffice it to say he let me shoulder the wins while he often quietly shouldered the weights. When we planted a church, we weren’t running from a bad ministry experience at all but were empowered, commissioned, and blessed to run to a new phase of our missional journey. What a gift!
October is clergy appreciation month. I hope those you serve will bless you and encourage you. But either way, be proactive this month in blessing the pastors like Brother Terry who gave you nuggets of wisdom, Kingdom perspective, and even covering to become the Christian and leader you are today. Second, if you work with staff or volunteers, let’s fight for their thriving, root for them publicly (even if we have to confront them privately at times), and give them a diversity of ministry experiences (including death beds at times) that will shape them forever.
JD Mangrum is the church planting pastor of Christ Church Charlestown in Charlestown, MA.
