Working through your feelings while pastoring in a pandemic
The COVID-19 global pandemic has brought to the surface many difficult emotions and feelings in people, and pastors have not been immune. Depression, anxiety, fear, frustration, anger, feelings of loss, and loneliness are just a few things that people are dealing with during these unprecedented times.
As pastors, we are often the ones that the people in our churches turn to for spiritual guidance and advice. But what do we do when we are feeling the exact same things while carrying the responsibility of our congregations on our shoulders?
Right now, you might be feeling disconnected – from people, your own feelings, your routines and even your purpose and mission. This feeling of disconnection requires us to take immediate action to reconnect with who we are and what God has called us to. This requires patience, silence and prayer, and it doesn’t happen overnight. Getting back on track requires us to ask ourselves some tough questions a daily basis.
Let’s take a look at four steps for dealing with how we feel.
Step 1: Identify the what
The first step requires us to ask questions that lead to the specific emotions and feelings we are facing.
What are the feelings and emotions I am currently dealing with? Am I sad, angry, frustrated or depressed?
Am I feeling physical symptoms associated with these emotions, such as pain, headaches, fatigue, etc.? Do I need to see my doctor?
What thoughts am I having that may be triggering my current feelings?
Do I have any urges to suppress or move away from these feelings to protect myself? Why?
Step 2: Identify the degree
To deal with how you feel, you must identify the severity of the feelings, accepting them so that you can process them. Tolerating severe emotional states can be difficult, but remember, feeling your feelings will NOT kill you, they are God-given triggers to help us deal with issues and situations that are negatively affecting us. When I experience a problematic emotional state, I practice breaks and breakaways. This may mean something as simple as taking a few slow, deep breaths, a change of scenery by taking a walk or a complete getaway to reset, reflect and refresh. During this stage, ask yourself the following questions:
Is this feeling intolerable? If so, why?
Do I think something terrible will happen if I allow this feeling to continue? What could potentially happen?
Do I need to involve someone to help me with the process of dealing with this?
What can I do to adapt to this current state? (Take a walk, take a nap, take a break, etc.)
Step 3: Identify the why
This step requires us to attempt to identify why we are feeling this way so that we can start to deal with it. During this step ask yourself these helpful questions.
Are there any personal needs that are going unmet? Do I feel misunderstood, unheard or disrespected?
Has a boundary been violated by myself or someone else?
Has a value been compromised?
What is my contribution to this distress?
Am I falling into sin or bad behavior patterns or habits?
Is this current emotional distress a result of distorted thinking?
Is this emotion triggering past thoughts?
Is this distress a build-up of different events piling on top of one another?
Step 4: Identify the action needed
Now it’s time to address the issue. Dealing with emotions is not easy. That’s why it's beneficial to talk to someone whose judgment you trust in order to get a better and balanced perspective on what might be happening inside of you.
Some emotions are due to distorted, unbiblical thinking, and you may need help adjusting your thinking so that you can feel and lead better. Sometimes feelings are triggered by past trauma, and we need help to find ways to let it go. Emotions can also be due to a violated boundary or unmet need.
After working through the first three steps, you may need to:
Work to get a personal need met.
Schedule time for spiritual and physical rest.
Address distorted thinking.
Reestablish a boundary.
Express your thoughts and feelings through journaling.
Apologize or make amends to someone. (Unforgiveness can lead to bitterness, which is not only disobedience but also has terrible consequences on the body.)
Seek help to process your emotions.
Wait for the feeling to pass.
Once you understand your emotions and feelings, you can handle them more effectively, and this can transform your life and your ministry. But remember, learning to manage your emotions in a pandemic takes time and is difficult to do on your own. Don’t be a Lone Ranger! Ask a few trusted individuals to come around you to help you process the stress and emotions of ministry you may be feeling. Talk to them often and ask them for prayer and guidance.
Gary Mortiz serves as the church revitalization director at the Baptist Convention of New England.