Opening up a game: Why losing our comfort zones has affected us so deeply
I have a game shelf. My wife accuses me of caring for my games better than I care for the dogs, being more careful with them than I am with the dishes, and putting them away better than I put away laundry. All of these things may be true. But it is because to me they are not just games – they have always been something just a little more.
Connecting in your comfort zone
I grew up as a scrawny, introverted kid that zig-zagged across the globe every few years. I never set roots. I can talk to or at people all day, but it has always been difficult for me to communicate one-on-one. When my dad would get off work and take off the Air Force uniform, we would beg him to break out a game. We would sit around the table, laughing and strategizing, winning and losing, and, most importantly, talking.
I think most people find it hard to truly verbalize what is on our hearts. We treat daily conversations, personal interactions and social media posts like mini-dates. On a date we wear our best clothes, groom ourselves immediately before the meeting, talk about lighthearted issues, smile, laugh and move on. Sure, you talked and engaged with another person, but did you communicate or was it just superficial?
In comes the game shelf. It is there I am at ease. If you meet me at the game table, then you have me where I am at rest and more open. In your situation it may have been tossing a ball with your dad, or listening to that perfect song in the car. It might be while you’re fishing or knitting or working on your car. Whether it is at the gym, library, ice cream shop or computer lab, we open up when we are in our comfort zone.
Jesus met people in their comfort zones
Look at Luke 5:1-11. Jesus is speaking on the shore and sees boats of tired men. Their nets are dirty and torn, so they sit and mend them while Jesus speaks. Jesus walks over to one of the boats, gets in and asks to be taken out so He can speak. Why? He was already teaching the crowds from the shore. Going out on the water only takes him away from the crowds. It can be noisy on the water’s edge, so why go out?
Jesus wanted to fish with the fishermen! It is where they were at ease. He spoke with them on their turf and that’s when He called them. “Don’t be afraid,” Jesus told Simon. “From now on you will be catching people.” (Luke 5:10, CSB).
It was out on the water that Peter got out of that boat and began to walk to Jesus, and it was out on the water that a spiritually crushed Peter was reunited with the resurrected Jesus and restored.
What to do when our comfort zones are gone
Now here’s the tragedy of 2020: few people have a comfort zone of Zoom. We have all been forced into isolation, and every conversation is mediated through technology, PPE, or layered with guilt because we’re not on technology or using PPE.
How does a guy like me communicate then? How does the calloused handed mechanic stay accountable without a greasy rag in his pocket, a wrench in his hand and a clueless pastor standing over watching and mentoring? How does the grandmother pass on those pieces of family wisdom if she’s not in the house caring for her first granddaughter while mom is recovering? How do we have conversations of healing our communities when it comes to race, religion and other issues when our basketball nets are taken down and courts are chained up?
If you are tense, if you are on edge, if you don’t know what’s wrong with you – I feel you. Perhaps you are like me, and you can’t truly relax unless you are sitting around a table that’s just a little too small for the game you’re playing. You’ve lost three in a row and want a chance at redemption as you talk about a girl that your son wants to date, a person at work who has a sick husband, an opportunity to invite someone from the flag corps to church or where the best place might be for your daughter to go to college.
Acknowledge where you find that time to be open with friends, mentors and accountability partners. Do a virtual coffee run and make a special bistro in your house with no kids allowed. Find a state park that is open and meet up in the fresh air just a few feet farther apart than normal. Park next to each other in a parking lot so you can look someone else in the eye. Walk the dogs together. And me, I’m still playing games. Sure some are online, but we make it work. And in some ways I’m seeing my son who is one thousand miles away more often and getting to talk with him more as he takes the next step in his life. And remember, when Jesus talked to Peter, He instructed him not to be afraid, then invited him to leave his comfort zone.
Philip Barnes is the pastor of CenterPoint Community Church in Wethersfield, CT.