Resting in Christ
As a pastor or church leader’s wife, it sometimes feels like your life is on public display. It’s easy to put pressure on yourself – as well as accept it from others – about what you should look like, sound like, dress like and even how you should decorate your home.
The lies of perfection and distraction
You may accept the lies that your kids have to be the fastest, smartest and most gifted athletes. Or you may think your status is judged by how well your children behave, play ball or reach the highest academic standards. You may even contribute to the pressure by trying to “keep up with the Joneses.”
The great thing is that Jesus NEVER expects us to be perfect. He knows us, and He loves us no matter what! So that corn dog that may or may not have been in your child's car seat since last week … it needs to go, but it doesn't diminish how God sees you.
Some of us are in the infant phase, where we just want to take a shower and sleep for more than four hours. Maybe you’re in the toddler phase where every day can be a surprise (for good or bad!), and you learn that it really does matter what color the cereal bowl is or if a particular superhero costume is clean. If you’re in the grade school phase, you may constantly be struggling to catch up as you learn the night before a project is due that it has to be on a certain size poster board and, by the way, you are in charge of bringing allergen-free snack for the refreshment table at the science fair on Tuesday. As your kids get older, your days are filled with ball games, track meets, debate team and the school play.
All of these can be amazing things – unless they are distracting us from who we are called to be. Children’s activities and schools can be wonderful venues for being part of the community and showing Jesus to our neighbors. It is a super thing to be able to connect with others and invite them to church. After all, that is part of our ministry. But when our activities become greater than the purpose of our involvement, or stress us out to the point that we are poor witnesses, we need to re-evaluate.
The gift of no
We all want to be liked. We all have a need to belong and to fit in. But when we draw our self-worth and our esteem from what others think about us, we are looking in the wrong places.
So what’s the solution? It all comes down to one word: No.
The word no is usually seen as a negative thing. A small child that asks for a cookie or a teenager that wants to take the car out on New Year's Eve doesn’t want to hear No. But we may tell them no for their protection and health.
Saying no to being in charge of the refreshments at the science fair could actually help keep your witness. Saying no to another night of practice in order to have family dinner may seem harsh, but it is a good thing for a family with too much on the calendar.
Saying no to yourself when you feel like you are not loved or as good the other moms at the pool is an important part of believing God’s Word and finding your identity in Christ. Saying no to Satan when he whispers to you that you are not a very good pastor’s wife – you don't even play an instrument or sing – is the best thing you can do for your spiritual growth.
Saying no to something saves your yes for the BEST thing: loving God and following His direction in your life.
Katie Wood is a church planting pastor’s wife in Brunswick, Maine. She enjoys encouraging pastors’ and church planting pastors’ wives through her life coaching practice, 29:11.